Standing in the Threshold

Photo by Jacob Morch on Unsplash

You’ve done the planning and the groundwork. You’ve gotten clear about wanting or needing to move out of one phase of your life and into another one, and are just about ready to embrace it. This could be anything from starting a new job or relationship to simply doing your life in a slightly different manner. Maybe you’ve determined to speak up for yourself more often or to be more nakedly authentic. The new place is ripe with possibility and promise. Then why does it feel so darn terrifying?

Because you are standing in a threshold!

What’s on the other side of the threshold may be enticing in many ways, but it’s also the unknown and to go through to it, you are going to have to leave what’s known behind, even if there is a fair amount that you don’t like about the past — it’s still the known. It’s like they say, “The devil you know is better than the one that you don’t,” and how are you going to guarantee that what’s on the other side isn’t just another devil of unknown qualities? Well, you aren’t. There’s virtually no way to guarantee that what’s on the other side of the threshold is going to absolutely be better than what you are leaving behind. In some ways, it’s going to need to be a leap of faith.

When we moved half way across the country for my husband’s new job, I only knew what I was leaving. I didn’t really know what I was coming to. He had a new office and a new title. He had a little bit of built in structure and a couple of people that he’d at least met before. I work from home, so I had no innate structure. I knew I’d have to create it all fresh from scratch. It was a little bit daunting but part of what got me through it was reminding myself that I also had the opportunity to create my life over from scratch. A virtually blank slate means all kinds of possibilities.

But what else can you do when you can’t be here any longer but you’re still a bit afraid to go there?

1. Put the how away for a little while and remember the why. What is prompting this move or transition? What will it offer you? How will it make you feel to be in the new place. Connect to the emotions and the excitement of new possibilities.
2. With your heart full of remembered enthusiasm for what made you embrace this change in the first place, what is your natural first step? Then your next step after that, and so on. If the “right” steps aren’t entirely self-evident, what’s a good step? You’re going somewhere new and exciting and there must be dozens of “right” ways to do that.
3. Or better yet, start at your desired outcome and work backwards. What is the last thing you’ll need to do before you reach the new “comfort zone?” What is the step right before that. Map it all the way back to where you are today.
4. Acknowledge and honor the discomfort that is present when heading into uncharted territory. You are an explorer of sorts in your own life and that takes a certain amount of courage. Like most explorers, you’ll probably take a few wrong turns and maybe step in something nasty along the way. Let that be an acceptable part of the process, but also let it be ok to have some jitters.
5. Sometimes just reminding yourself that you are in that threshold place is helpful. “Oh yeah, here we go again. I remember this.” Unless you’ve had a remarkably stagnant life, you’ve no doubt successfully navigated lots of thresholds already. If you’ve done it before, you can do it again.
6. Do something symbolic to commemorate the transition. It can be as simple as erasing an old phone number and adding in a current one, or it can be something much more complex. For example, create a collage or other piece of art that embodies the feel of what you are wanting to bring into your life and put it where it will inspire you. Conversely, you can create and then bury or burn one that indicates what you are leaving behind. We’ve largely lost the art of ritual in modern society but there’s no need to unearth ancient texts. It’s perfectly fine to just create your own rite of passage. What would give you a tangible expression of the transition that you are undertaking? Whatever you choose to do, use intention to infuse it with meaning. Any ritual you can think of from tossing graduation caps to holy communion is nothing more than symbolic action infused with intention of it’s meaning.

The threshold place is unsteady ground because you’ve got one foot in the past and the other in the future. The easiest way to dispel that feeling is to keep moving firmly towards wherever you are headed until that becomes the new comfortable known.