That's where this anger comes from - 50+ years of trying to meaningfully involve men in a constructive dialogue about how we can all have a better culture - and constantly being met with gaslighting, attacks, and outright hatred for having dared to mention that every single woman you know has been preyed on by men for the entirety of their lives.
I don't think those phrases are useful or helpful, but I do understand the impulse to say them and where that comes from. The overwhelming response to the #MeToo movement was, "Fuck you bitch, stop trying to make men look bad." The overwhelming response to women posting on X about the first time they were sexually harassed as young girls was pretty much the same. When you try to have productive conversations and all you get is vitriol it's hard to maintain a positive, civil demeanor. Does saying that stuff move men to become better? I'm sure it doesn't, but neither does talking reasonably about real world dynamics and the ways that mainstream male socialization messages guys to be dominant, aggressive, stoic, and to control women.
Women are sick unto death of being told to be nicer, to consider men's feelings, to be the bigger person, to put your own needs last, etc., etc. As my friend Elle Beau likes to point out, masculinity in this culture IS the problem. That doesn't mean men are bad, but the ones bought into this kind of messaging are at the root of most of our social problems. It's not overgeneralizing to say that. Rape culture doesn't happen because of "bad apples." Misogyny is rampant and a whole lot of men have made it very clear they want the 1950s back - all except for the part where they pay for everything.
If you can give me a clear example of how to speak about this stuff without getting knee-jerk reactions to it, I'm all ears, because I've never seen it. Every single even-handed, level-headed discussion about what's going on in this culture and how to improve it I've ever seen has been met with backlash, hatred, and attacks - because men know that masculine culture is the problem, and at the same time they've been taught that they should always be in control, always look good and never look bad, etc., and this all goes against that. Plus, they think this is natural to them as men - and not a sort of gender indoctrination they're been subject to. Let's face it - most men LOVE patriarchy, even though it disempowers and harms them as well. They are still attached to the idea of being better than women, and not wanting to be critiqued by anyone for any reason - even if it's justified.
Again, I don't think it's helpful to progress to say inflammatory things. I also don't think it's all that helpful to say reasonable, calm, measured things that a sane person who wasn't in a cult of masculinity could hear with a clear head because those guys are few and far between.
