We all have work to do, but for the most part, men are doing next to nothing to address how patriarchy harms them - or women. Most men spend all of their time deflecting, defending, and cooking up ways that their problems are caused by feminism, and not by patriarchy. A mere 50 years ago women had hundreds of fewer rights by law than men did in the US, and we're still seeing the residuals of that even if the laws have changed. Men still hold the vast majority of power in all aspects of society, and are still reaping the benefits of thousands of years of intentional marginalization of women (even if it's subconscious or they don't want that to be the case). So sure, women need to do their part, but acting like it's out of line to say that men to step it up is just more deflection and hurt feelings.

Men aren't getting the message that they can be happy doing things like social work because men are largely refusing to confront all the "man box" messaging they are fed. They are addicted to patriarchy like it's a drug, and no matter how much it demonstrably harms them, they refuse to give it up or even admit that it's a problem. Women have to support them doing that work - but men are the ones who need to be taking that shit on - for their own good, and also for everyone else's.