What planet are you from? Violence against women is a huge problem. I've never met a single woman of any age or other demographic who hasn't experienced at least some sexual violence, and most of them have experienced tons of it. 85% of American girls start getting sexually harassed in public when they are 10 or 11 years old, but sometimes even younger than that. It's illegal to pay women less for the same work, but it still takes place ALL OF THE TIME. Female surgeons are getting groped and harassed WHILE they are assisting with operations - everyone knows it's taking place but nobody does anything about it. Women at the highest levels of power still have to fight "the authority gap" where they are assumed to not be as intelligent or competent as men.
The American Psychological Association just issued new guidelines for working with men and boys to address the ways that mainstream masculine norms harm men (and everyone else). What exactly do you think is no longer mostly true about patriarchy?
And of course everyone has to do their part to confront the ways that they've internalized patriarchal norms, but because one of the main elements is a historical and still existing power differential between men and women; and because mainstream norms of masculinity are at the root of most of the problems, it is primarily a "men" problem. Talking about that is not "making things worse." Go read some of MLKs speeches and note his unflinching tone. That's what it took to get nearly all of the things he stood for codified in the Civil Right Act. Tone policing women is not about effective techniques - it's about shutting down rhetoric that makes men uncomfortable. Sorry, too bad. We can't be partners in shaping society when most men are actively, and sometimes violently resisting that - and have been since before the days of first wave feminism.
"There are generations of men who have grown up with the modern women’s movement, have learned a lot from women, and sincerely respect women as their equals. But make no mistake: the beating heart of the backlash against feminism that continues to this day is the desire of some men to put the genie back in the bottle, to tell strong, smart, vocal women to sit down and shut up—and stop complaining."
Katz, Jackson. The Macho Paradox (pp. 79-80). Sourcebooks. Kindle Edition.
