You were socialized by your culture as well as the women in your family. You get bombarded by media, friends, and general cultural expectations way more than just your family. And no, most men cannot distinguish an asshole from a "good guy" because they all think they are nice men when they really aren't, for the most part. Nobody thinks they are an asshole. Everyone thinks they are nice and cool and what women should want. Mostly, they are very wrong.